I would like to start off by saying that being in a relationship in general is very complex but what happens when your dating your own race, and they all have the same traits when it comes to relationships, not to say that there isn't any good men out there but they all have something in common. I am going to list a group of things that most Haitian men do that most Haitian women can't stand.
1) Haitian men are very jealous beings, you want to know where I'm at, what I'm doing, whom I'm talking to, and definitely don't like when their women speak to other men in general. (That's a big no no and a turn off to us women)
2) Haitian men look forward to having his partner cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the kids, between him and the kids it's 24 hour clock work (maid service), when your done catering to him he spends the rest of the day out with his friends at the BAZZ (in English it means Hang Out or Base) whether their working or not. They sit around and talk about their past and present relationships or how many women they've slept with. ( I'm not sure if it has anything to do with competition )
3) Haitian men are very cocky and dominant when it comes to flirting, they really don't know when to call it quits, which becomes very annoying (correct me if I'm wrong). His first approach to women would be more like "Hey baby let me talk to you for a minute, I wanted to tell you that your very beautiful ". "We can be friends, put my number on your phone "(with thick Haitian accent ). They'll follow you for about 20-30 minutes until you tell them to back the F#@%! up. Sometimes I find my self saying "Not Interested" over 2 or 3 times. At this point I become very irritated and walk on and go about another route because they do have a tendency to follow you.
4) They are pathological liers, they lie just to lie. By the time you've been in a relationship with him for about 6 month to a year you'll start to notice change in the relationship. The most common case is because he already had another relationship going on before you came into the picture. Or possibly started another relationship or should I say "relationships". I find it very common the Haitian men has a main relationship at home which of course is the wife/servant and his side lady which is probably the one all of his friends besides you know about. Oh and yes he'll even try to get with your best friend so bringing other women around him wont help with your situation.
5) He tends to become very aggressive and argues, makes a big deal out of the smallest things and then takes off, first thing you see is the back of his head because he's walking out the door and leaves you home for hours at a time. I find this to be common in most relationship when there is another person involved.
6) When he comes back he's usually calmed and more relaxed because he accomplished what he had to in the hours he was missing in action. After engaging in his personal outings no need to open a new case because at this time he'll be heading straight to bed.
7) He will spend more time with his friends, the only time he spends with you is when your being intimate or possibly watching soccer. But family outing is out of the question. Before you can get a Haitian guy to finally commit to having some family time. You would have to go through hell and back, it would be a miracle.
8) Although you feel like he is being unfair in the relationship when you feel that you can't take it anymore, he always has his friends as cheerleaders to back him up and try and convince you of staying. You'll get the phone calls or face to face counseling with people that are in his circle and doing the same S*%# that he is doing. (Like seriously that's really uncalled for)
9) Financially if he has the money he probably will help around with some of the household expenses but of course his up bringing and education level is an important factor. On the other hand you have the young cocky guy who probably spends more money on him self to keep up with the ladies for show off.
10) They have no remorse and understanding of how the decision they make in life effects you. When your angry at them because your starting to discover the fact of who they really are. They get even angrier at you for finding out. They'll tell you that your crazy and that it's all in your head.
I personally feel that things could be better if we start educating our sons to respect women rather than just using them as an object with no feelings. Because it would help men learn to appreciate the Haitian women in their life. In my case I threw in the towel because I got tired, and also traumatized by my past relationship. I'm personally done and have no desire to go back to the same displeasing relationship.
Please feel free to leave a comment or opinions for others to read. Visit my other blog Characteristic of Hatian Men. http://haitianmen.blogspot.com/2013/08/haitian-men-characteristics.html
Thanks for the read. I'm in a relationship with a Haitian man and I'm American. You hit everything on the NOSE. This is my boyfriend. Everything you said is him. Thanks
ReplyDeleteThanks Nikki4911 for reading my Blog...Your welcome to share your experience and your thought's, as you know as women we go through allot. This blog was posted according to my personal experience with my Haitian ex of whom I was in a relationship with for 5 years. I will be posting more of my personal experience in hopes to help someone one catch the problems before it starts. Hope everything works well in your relationship.
DeleteI am of haitian decent, born and raised in Miami. My family is quite different in nature as far as the way i have been brought up. (no stereotypes such as funky house smell, with boxes everywhere) I don't feel i have ever been any of those things.
Delete1. I am not jealous, but i am jealous enough to make my girl feel that she knows i don't want to lose her. but i will never get overbearing to the point where she can not have male friends but if she does carry a past(sexual or dating) with the male friend, i always feel out of respect she shouldn't speak with the "friend". i will not demand it but will normally make it obvious that i am bothered by it.
2. being raised by a single haitian mother who came here at the age of 16, i will say that i was not brought up that way. while yes, i will worship a girls feet who cooks a nice hot meal for me. I don't like a woman who carries the mentality that only she should do those things. I actually do my own laundry and chores.
3. cocky is quite the opposite of me. I am normally very respectful when approaching a woman and will pay attention to body language, if I feel the body language is a form of rejection, i stop pursuit. and I definitely don't approach a woman with an nstant compliment and expect she owes me her number. most of my ways of picking up a woman is paying attention to how she may be and starting conversation on that. for example, she looks tired and is wearing unifrom, i will usually say something like "long day at work?" with a smile.
4. I believe in karma, so i believe doing dirt will get you dirt and am very paranoid. in most cases i will not lie because i carry the mindset it will come back to me and hurt me.
5. aggressive? no. i will never be physical or in most cases will try every way to stop a conflict from escalating. i usually speak in a very calm tone and make sure to get my point across as to why I am mad. I will only avoid argument when the girl is becoming belligerent in public.
6. when i come back, you will expect that I will want to reassure that the matter is resolved or work a way to resolve it.
7. HA. quite the opposite, my family always welcomes the woman that I am dating. And i am a man who prefers sharing time with my woman before my friends. i would rather go catch a new movie premiere before going out to a club or bar with friends who want to go party. and most cases will bring my girl with me, if it is an event that warrants a valid reason for me to go party (best friend birthday, going away party, etc)
8. I HATE, and despise, having my problems out there for the world to judge. I will never allow any of my friends to cheer anything because my opinion is, my friends can't be doing any better then us. why would i ask a friend who's had 2 divorces, a child, and jumping between relatonships for advice or to call my girl? our problems are our problems.
9. I believe in security and the finier things in life but i appreciate them and understand when others can't have what i have.
10. I am who I am. I am not the perfect person. I'm going to do dumb things(not cheating). i'm going to spend my money foolishly, i will get angry at things i misunderstand, but I will always try and learn from my mistakes and make sure that she sees I have. I will not make her feel she is wrong.
I took the time to write this to explain that no race is perfect and while there are men/women who carry horrible traits that fall into certain races or categories, not all are the same.
Nice rebuttal. Tastefully got your point across :)
DeleteI like the way you explained your point of view. I'm an American woman dating a Hiatian man. He a exactly the way you explained you are. He respects me, he won't argue with me an stresses that he doesn't want to argue. But he gets his point across. He's never been aggressive or even mad enough to bother me.
DeleteHe listen to me, I can tell because if I say I don't like something he changes it. He doesn't expect me to do his chores even when I try he won't let me. He will let me cook, but not do his cleaning at all. I know it may seem like I'm putting him on a pedestal, but I believe he's a good man with good up bring. He respects me an shows me he cares in his actions. I don't believe all Hiatian men are the way the author describes.
This is a good article about the general Haitian population, however, it does not summarize each individual. I am currently engaged to the most wonderful man and he is currently living in Haiti as we have not started our fiance visa quite yet. We have been together two years, although long distance, and I assure you that not every Haitian is like that. Him and two of my other Haitian friends do not fit this description at all. I spent three weeks with him this last January and we went to the Dominican Republic. My man is protective, but he does not get overly jealous. He cooked for me, made my bed for me every morning, washed all of my clothes by hand, and every time he saw another man looking at me no matter where we were at he would stop what he was doing and kiss me long and hard so they knew that I was taken, and honestly I found it so attractive. We went to a club in the Dominican Republic and everytime a girl would try to dance with him and grind on him he would tell them no and turn around and kiss me. He does have a TON of pride though and I contribute that to his culture. To be in a cross cultural relationship it is important to understand both cultures. Here in the USA we call it cheating if our man calls another woman Baby or boo, whereas in Haiti it's expected and not meant the way we mean it. Money is a big deal to Haitians, especially my man, because it is so hard to get down there. Their economy sucks, there are hardly any jobs, and their country is kind of a giant pile of cement rubble after the earthquake. Haitians don't have much, but they take care of what they do have and are so proud of it. Haitian men also are very big on being respected, and cannot stand the thought of someone disrespecting them. It takes awhile to get used to, but he balances me out perfectly and he makes sure that no one else disrespects me either. He genuinely cares for other people and he volunteers at two different orphanages as well. He does not have the "I just want an American to get me to the States" mentality. He honestly loves Haiti and if he could make a living down there and have a job then I would move down there and we would live there. I'm not saying he is perfect, but I'm saying that not every Haitian should be grouped into the stereotype. I love Haiti with all my heart and I am glad that my man is Hatian <3
DeleteI have been dating a Haitian man for year and a half. I got prego offly quick. I think he broke the condom or didnt put it on. I was going throuhh alot at the time so i didnt abort. By the way i am white American by the way. He was great in the beginning so i thought until i had suspicions that he was cheating. Well i had alot going on so i ignored it well i moved out of my house and moved to help my mother. I had gotten a phone for him in my name. One night i couldnt sleep i was playing with my phone. I went to check when payment was do anyway i found out how to check the calls and stuff well anyway i checked it and all the call he made and recieved were on their well i went through the list and said ok this number shows up alot and its all hours of the night. Bingo called it was like 2am. Im prego couldnt sleep went to voicemail ot her name. I went on facebook bingo theur she was on the page and checked her page they were in a reltionship. Kinda kinda long distance. I called her messeged her. When i lived in my old house he was telling me about her didnt know it was still going on. He wasnt good to me when i was prego barely had sex barely touched me. I never trusted him he barely came around while at moms only came over a few times at night after work to sleep then that stopped barely saw his daughter except when i took her to his job on break. Everyday only time. Unless i was working. I bought my own home where it is close to his job now he is here everyday. I dont trusthim he still talks to passed relationships he goes through my papers my phone everything questions me. He wont sleep over he says its because of his mom. Now boyfriend is 39 to remind you. I dont want to be with him but he doesnt listen. I caught him driving by my house he said if i ever dated anyone else he would kill me or put his foot in my mouth.He was married before well still is but getting divorced.He seems to tell on himself sometimes. Ok i will stop for now but can a Haitian man be dangerous?
DeleteAre you serious?
DeleteThis is so true everything you said,,, couldn't have said it beter even if written in blood.... I really thought it was me an I needed to change but I truly see its not an I tried an gave all I could give an more.... sad to tear my family apart with him but I need my sanity an respect for me an my daughters don't want them thinking life is suppose to be this way.. THANK YOU so much for sharing its been along 7 yrs but I need peace in my life......
ReplyDeleteHello Mommy T,
DeleteIt's good to hear that you have peace in your life, I've spoken for many that have been through these stressful relationship. I new I was not the only one, when I shared my story about being in a relationship with Haitian men, I've known other women that have either been through it or have known someone that is going through it. It's based on facts starting from my personal experience. But it's good to know that your doing allot better with the grace of God.
I just got out of a 4 year emotional abusive relationship with a Haitian man.. he was EXACTLY everything you listed above! He had me thinking I was crazy. I really started thinking I was the problem. His family even supportrd his ways, telling me he would never change. it was crazy! It's a huge healing process, but I'm glad it's over!!!
ReplyDeleteHello KM,
DeleteI know exactly what your talking about, most of the time their family member know what's going on. Always remember when going into any relationship you are a stranger to that family. They'll probably let you figure things out your self, his family will always be on his side. For instance I have a close male family member of mines that has his bad ways, but it's hard trying to get in between his affairs and his women. I could only look from the side lines and shake my head to this and I usually address him one on one because I know I would not like to be treated that way. It's a very evil world out there, but good to know out of all of this you are going through a healing process. You will definitely find something better!
Wow I know what you mean I've had a similar experience with dating 2 Haitian men. I've dated other island men as well, but now I'm married to my soulmate. My husband is Haitian and he is the best...he brings his money home, fits grocery shopping with me if I ask him to, and even helps me clean up around the house. He's the best man I've ever known, but that could be any man who has God in their life right :-) I feel so blessed. I have to be honest I've found Jamaican men to be the ones who hurt me most, but that's just my experience.
ReplyDeleteHello Black Bonanza,
DeleteYou are one lucky girl, if you do happen to find one that is willing to give you a helping hand as far as money and help around the house he's a keeper. Sounds like he really loves you, it's good to hear.I will be sure to check out your blog. Thanks for posting.
PS-I just started my own blog last week please check it out. I think your big is really interesting.
ReplyDeleteTheBlackBonanza.Blogspot.com
Blog* darn Android
ReplyDeleteNo prob! Keep the blogs coming I love to read topics of this nature and don't forget to come check me out too, especially the latest one about Black women being ugly according to a research study done last year. Its shocking smh
ReplyDeleteI met a haitian man online 2 months ago We started skyping and talking on the phone. He is very funny easy going and understanding . After a month we decided to meet up so we did .. He is so Romtic . He is everything a women would want thats my point of view thats how he acts at this point . The only problem which is a big problem is that he still be on the online single dating website . I dont really trust him much because I had a bad ex experince . He lives an hour and thirty mins away. We see each other once a week ... But he said I'm the one ... He also told me that he was seeing other women ... Which I dont understand just because he keeps saying I'm the one. I dont want to push him away .But I don't want to be a fool. What should I do?
ReplyDelete@Maxima- Well one positive thing I can take from your situation is that he already told you he's seeing other women. Most men wouldn't be honest about that; however if "you're the one" for him he wouldn't still be seeing other women, so his actions are saying that he's telling you something he doesn't truly believe himself. Also remember to know your worth as a woman, you don't want to be with someone who is special to you and you're faithful to him meanwhile you're just an option for him among his other women. You don't want to be his #1, you want to be his ONLY 1. I'm an outsider, but from what you're saying I believe God has a better man for you who will not only tell you you're the one, but he'll show you that you are by committing himself to you and going out of his way to see you as often as possible so that you'll know you're loved. I've had 2 similar experiences before I met my husband so I know this guy you're talking about is full of bs.
DeleteIf you are the one,why is he still on the dating website and seeing other women? Simple, he is still looking for the one, a player or he is emotionally not available. Your the fall back girl. When he has nothing else to do or no one else to go out with he contacts you. Move on as you are wasting your time. Let me Empower you. You have what men want and need. Do not sell yourself short. Read the book," The Power Of The Pussy", it is on Amazon. Best wishes to you and finding the man who will love, respect and commit to you. You are worth it!
DeleteWOW!!!!!! I am white and just experience my first "relationship" w a Haitian guy. He got very offended when I called him my boo after 6 months. Told me I look like a clown w makeup on. Called my fat (which in far from) cause he's a gym rat! Told me a dress I wore was awful and my hair was stupid. And even called MY son a wuss cause he plays in the band!!!!!! I don't know how I loved this guy so much and was willing to change for him. As much as I miss him I knew I deserved so much better......it's crazy how dead on you are about this but WHY! Why are they like that????
ReplyDeleteHello Kelly,
DeleteI'm sorry to hear about your ordeal, I must tell you, your ex sounds like a total jerk. You should have nothing to miss about him. A man that would call your son a wuss is over the top mind boggling. I feel that you should be treated better than that. I've been to Haiti many times in the past and I must say, the lifestyle that they have over there is what they tend to bring here. My ex started to verbally abuse me too, making me feel less than what I am. But it's just to break your spirit, maybe this is his way of feeling that he has power over you. But you can do allot better than that. I would not be surprised if he physically abused you. The verbal abuse from a Haitian guy would most likely come with the physical abuse. The only thing that would stop him from touching you is the fact that he may acknowledge the law. Haitian men are controlling and very jealous hun keep that in mind. I don't understand my self why they act like that but I blame it on lack of education and good family upbringing.
I really need to speak to somebody about ny situation im an american girl dating a haitian guy,the sighns are all there that was stated above please somebody with haitian dating experience email me @ goonette.moban10@gmail.com
ReplyDeletestereotypical
ReplyDeleteIm an American woman and Ive been dealing with my hatian friend for 3 years over the phone. We live 200 miles from each other, he's constantly saying he doesn't want a relationship but he's on my phone communicating everyday all day. He loves to tell me what and how I should respond to him when I don't agree with him and he has a very bad temper..I AM SO CONFUSED!!! P.S. I love this man a lot though.
ReplyDeleteI date a Haitian man who I adore the hell out of but this relationship is so stressful at times, the smallest things like you said will start and argument.. The argument started, because I let him use my phone to call an uncle.. keep in mind my phone # has been the same for many years, so New Years eve my ex from years ago called and keep calling, his # is not save in my phone so I pick up the phone wanting to know why this person keeps calling me. and it is my Ex, so I hang the phone up quick, then I called back, just to let him know I have a man, and don't call anymore. So the next day after my Haitian man is done talking to his uncle, he goes trough my phone. Came up stairs and says God really loves him because he reveal the type of woman he was with and all that junk, I am not a cheater in anyway, I believe in love, trust and respect. I told him in so many words I only have eyes for him, now he's saying he don't trust me anymore, I need to go get a pregnancy test tomorrow via, text because HE WALKED OUT AND LEFT!!!! Just like you said. I just don't know......
ReplyDeleteHey Bosslady,
DeleteIf he walked out on you that means he never loved you, he found an easy way out not even giving you the chance to defend your self. If he was in love with you he would have given you the chance to speak and clarify things. You guys could have been able to compromise but the guy you adored left you hanging. Hope you find someone who is willing to love you as for the pregnancy good luck on testing it could go anywhere from there, but just pray for the best.
This is not true! Sorry ladies but this is a sterotyical image of a Orginal Haitian man. I'm a 23 year old Haitian born male, I don't fit any of the fields you put Haitian man in. From my sisters, female co-workers & even ex-girlfriends, I treated them like a gift (Remember Women are a gift, not property.) Plus I was raised by a Queen (Mom), so I know how to treat a lady.
ReplyDelete@ Haitian Jesus,
DeleteI never said there's not any good Haitian men out there , this post was not meant to be a stereotype. I am talking about real things that happened to me, this has been my experience. Also my mother, sister, aunts, and girl friends experience. I am sure somewhere out there may be a Mr. Right but let the writings on the wall speak for it self. Every women that's ever posted on my wall have had an experience and not an opinion, so don't get offended if their telling the truth. Look at it as an oppurtunity of what you can do better. Kudos to you and thanks for reading my blog!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI've never been in a relationship with a Haitian man, but I do agree with you a 100%. Haitian men are very controlling and deceive, and not to mention very envious. You can never be friends with a Haitian without them hitting on you or liking you. They can never take “No” for an answer. They love to brag about how much money they have, and how they can get any other girl they wanted; which to me is so disrespectful just for mentioning that.
ReplyDeleteI’m Haitian myself, so I do have some knowledge about the culture. You must clean, cook, and be available when sex is needed. Even though that is what must men want, but Haitian men are the worst. It’s a demand to clean, cook, and provided sex. They’re always on the defense. If you’re dating a Haitian man and you don’t have a degree, you just screwed yourself over. Get one ASAP, because they will walk over you.
Don’t get me wrong not all Haitian men are like this. There are some decent Haitian men out there. I think Haitian American men who were born and raised in the USA have more of a decent attitude and are genuine to date.
@ Sophie Nicole....You are right they never take no for an answer lol. It would take allot of discipline for a Haitian guy to befriend a women. As far as I know most women are their type lol! But they are some decent ones out there.
DeleteHi, I am in Canada and went online dating and lots of Haitian men wrote me then white guys to my surprise (I am a white girl) which I dont care btw of skin colour. SO after going on a few dates with them and some other island guys also (Martinique, Jamaican and Barbados) I discovered the same type of personality, I did not want to stereotype but they were VERY pushy on the first few dates to sleep with me, also I am in the military and they all though I slept with half of my platoon and being very jealous which I was so surprised!!!! They had sons from previous Haitian women and listening to them they are awful women LOL... anyway, all of this to say that even on a few dates with 4 or 5 Haitian and 3 island men I have seen some of these you mentioned....
ReplyDeleteI have found one Haitian rigth now that is very respectful right now but is i because he was adopted and raised by a white family therefore the culture and influence was not there, I am not sure, but he seems to be a keeper so will see..I will keep reading your blog and TheBlack Bonanza blog for sure during my dating experiences :-)
@Sylvie Landry....I am happy to hear that you have a good Haitian guy but the key word is culture influence. So I would kinda consider him to be watered down which in terms is actually a good thing lol! But yes their are good Haitian men out there. But it may be a Island thing.
DeleteHere is an advise what ever they say check it out cause they lie goes so far of your expectation, even haitian military guys lie. They try to be perfect and when they get u and what they want u will see.
DeleteHi i havw been dating a Haitian man for two months now he is a very nice guy he loves my kids but i found out that he likes to talks to women from the site we meet on i dont mind but he says he likes to help people if they asks for money and even if the girl gives him the number he tells them they could call.i have a problem with that because he says he loves me but why do that to me plz give me some pointers plz
DeleteHi i havw been dating a Haitian man for two months now he is a very nice guy he loves my kids but i found out that he likes to talks to women from the site we meet on i dont mind but he says he likes to help people if they asks for money and even if the girl gives him the number he tells them they could call.i have a problem with that because he says he loves me but why do that to me plz give me some pointers plz
DeleteHello, i really enjoyed your text, i'm brazilian and my boyfriend is haitian, and he is just like you said here, sometimes when i get mad at him because i found out something he didn't want me to know, he starts to ignore me, last week, we had a fight and i called him selfish and just because i did that, he was about 3 days ignoring me, i even tried to talk to him and he was just there like if i was not even there talking.. sometimes i want to go away but i do love him a lot... thats why i stay... another thing that bothers me, is that thing about flirting around... when we go out, he is always checking out the other women, i do get really hurt inside and pisses me off... but i noticed the other haitian men his friends, they do the same thing even thought some of them have gfs or they are married.. i think its a general problem with the haitian culture.. i dont know.. :(
ReplyDelete@Marina Sanches.....I understand that you are in love with your Haitian men. But who want's to stick around with someone that ignores you for 3 days. I always believe if you have a problem it should be resolved before you go to bed, because your arguments should not carry over for so long. Communication between couples is the key to a healthy relationship regardless of the origin or nationality.If he does not snap out of his mood, sweet heart your relationship could go sour very quickly. Try speaking to him again maybe you need to caress his him, or make some food for him. Get on his good side apologize even if you don't mean it now I am going into psychological mode with you. For example: When I want to get to the bottom of something first I'll make him a nice meal and cater to him, make it a romantic night. Give him a few kisses and just say "Baby you know I love you and I mean you no harm. What could I have possibly done so bad that you don't want to speak to me? (try gently holding his hand and make eye contact with him, caress his head and ask as if your trying to be a little more submissive)"If I've done something wrong I want to apologize but if you can communicate with me and let me know what I did wrong, I can assure you that I wont do it again because I don't want us to live like this".
DeleteIf he does not open up to you at this point try not to argue. You may need to possibly leave your options open, because you won't be a happy girlfriend. I hope this could help.
Ruth, just now i saw your reply, ty so much for the advices, i've been treating him like you just said, cooking for him, caring for him more and more, being gentle as much as i can be, and it got better, he is being so cute right now with me, hugging me in front of his family and friends ( and this is too hard for him to do i know) when we go out to a walk for example, he is always holding hands with me, and calling me baby, my love.. really is going fine now our relationship, and i will do whatever i need to keep my man happy and to feel happy with him also, i love him so much. He is going to Haiti to visit his family in 2 days and i will miss him loads... but when he comes back, we will have so much to do.. since we going to have a baby very soon :) Ty for your great advices Ruth, god bless you.
DeleteBe careful !!! With all men, (no matter the color or the race) they treat women the worst when you are most vulnerable. For instance when you are pregnant.
DeleteAlso, when men go out of town, that is when they are much more likely to cheat on their wives or girlfriends.
I really enjoyed this article because I've seen it first hand from my boyfriends family. My fiance is Haitain (born in Haiti) and we have a child together. He's a good guy overall. Doesn't hit me, cheat on me, is financially supportive and wants to have a family with me. I lucked out with him. though he has come long way. His brothers and cousins in particular are everything OP described in this post. From the cheating, to the bragging about the girls they sleep with , to the lies.... They actually make fun of my boyfriend cause he doesn't cheat on me SMH. They think he's weird. Most are like the post (98%). Especially the young ones.
ReplyDeleteOh wow i think I just read my life story...Thank you for the enlightenment. No going back to this misery.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing this was dealing with Haitian men straight from the island. Men born in the states of Haitian descent and men in general (not all) have some of these same traits. Chill with the fellas, expect women to play a certain role, etc. And ALL MEN SIT AROUND, AND TALK ABOUT WOMEN THEY'VE BEEN WITH. Also if not worse I'm sure you've seen or heard about men having more than one woman. That's not a "Haitian man thing." You got ya main girl then you got your side pieces. The bad men do this in general. A cheater man or woman will always start arguments or get mad over little things just to get out of the house. I don't know where you found these Haitian men but you must have been looking in the wrong place. Another note in America cooking, cleaning, doing laundry etc used to be more of a woman's role. But these days young girls don't learn these things. Over time woman are almost equal to men now in America. In other cultures including Haitian, men are dominant. The woman does what the man says. Haitian men don't understand American society as a whole. They don't know about 50/50 in relationships because it isn't taught over there. A lot of outside cultures live in the past. I'm not siding with men or bashing women. I love and respect all women. I just wanted to explain why things are the way they are. Ladies explain to Haitian men how things work in America. It's 2013 now not the 50s lol. I'm Haitian born in America. My girlfriend is African American. We both fight to be in control. Can't lie she usually wins by seducing me lol. We question who we talk on the phone to. We're in a relationship so we both have a right to ask. We agreed to have no secrets. We're in love and everything is great. Just set ground rules ladies like we did. Maybe that will help.
ReplyDelete@Will2315 I really love the way you put it, and it does make a lot of sense. I wrote this blog based on what happened in my personal life and other stories that I've heard which I could say that I am totally over with because I would never go back to that type of relationship. I do understand you, the difference in lifestyle could be a great factor. Right now I am in a relationship with a Russian guy which is totally off the map. True enough I am in love with him because he treats me well, I do believe when opposite attracts because the treatment that I've gotten from him is beyond what I've ever gotten from the Haitian men I've dated in the pass. And please keep in mind I too believe that they are good Haitian men out there but I would rather pass right now, because right now for the first time in years I've live drama free. This new feeling that I have is where I want to be. I know what good feels like so I hope somewhere in there I can help another women find her balance. @Will2315 you sound like your a good man, hope your relationship continue in the right path. God Bless!
DeleteBefore I start, I came in the US like 5 years ago from Haiti.
DeleteNow, If you wrote this based on your personal life, then why do you have to say "Haitian men". You could have been more specific on the subject. But it is all fine since I don't see myself in this category. I now am 25, me and wife have been together for like 4 years, and we are like 2 babies, from look and also from our behaviors. We jokes over everything even the most serious things, i buy her flowers and go out with her whenever I have a chance. I work at home as a software engineer and go out only to buy groceries, she is the one that often tell me to go get some "me time" which I never do without her being around. The one thing that was true in what you said is that, I love soccer but not without my wife and daughter around. And one more thing is, I usually look at some other women's butt which she always slap me in the head and then we laugh it out after. It is just sad that you met that one bad Haitian guy that made you feel that way, but please, stop the stereotype. I bet you will never post about how bad you've done him.
Even if I had encountered failure dating any other race, I wouldn't just go on a blog and bash the whole race.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAs a Haitian man, I’m not offended by what you wrote. I understand why you wrote it. It is certainly your experience with some particular Haitian male, or a particular Haitian male. I applaud you for sharing with the world what you had gone through. Everything that you described is nether me or my friends.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, there are Haitian men who fit that profile, and I don’t make excuses for them. You also have to ask yourself, whether you are the one attracting those kind of men. You have to set certain standard for yourself. It doesn’t matter the ethnicity of the individual when you have no standard. Then, you will always end up with the type of men that you are describing. When you are in a relationship, what are your long-term and your short-term goal? Are you the type who wants a husband or a baby’s daddy? It seems like you have dated some Haitian scumbags; wanna be thugs, and life rejects. But try to switch it a bit. Try to go after the ones with some form of education, or at least have their priority straight, not living in the ghetto or with their mom at 35 years old.
I could make similar argument about Haitian women, Asian woman, Caucasian woman, Hispanic women, Persian women, African-American women, etc… but I know better than that, and I wouldn’t do something like that because it would be a false premise out of anger rather than facts. It is inaccurate to imply that “Haitian men.” I am okay with some Haitian men, but I am not okay with Haitian men [all] because you have not dated me, my brother, my friends, and 6.8 million Haitian men around the world to draw this conclusion as if it were facts.
I understand that our emotions get the best of us, but please do not let your emotion scorn hard working and innocent Haitian men who had never done anything to you because some guy or a few guys broke your heart. You attract losers and losers will do these kinds of things, but don’t blame an entire ethnicity for your lack of standards.
I would agree with you. We should reserve generalizing. I am not from Haiti but I could post that same exact thing regarding men from my island also...men come in a wide variety of characters....I am sure there are awesome Haitian men who respect and love their women.I have dated a Haitian man and he was right in so many ways... but he was jealous, that would be my big negative about him, but all in all same men different tongue. there is good and bad in every culture.
Delete@meduneter10@gmail.com
DeleteI am replying back to the comment that you made.
"When you are in a relationship, what are your long-term and your short-term goal?" Are you the type who wants a husband or a baby’s daddy?"
Reply: When I was in this relationship with my "EX" first of all we got married. I definitely was not looking for a baby daddy nor have a child out of wedlock. Me being a women of course I was looking for a long term relationship, and to have a child with this one person. My idea was to have a child in a home with 2 parents but in my case it did not happen because I had a stillbirth at 7 month in 2009 which at the time he had another women in Haiti pregnant took my baby clothes to put it on her child while my baby was dead. How about adding insult to injury?
Second comment:
"It seems like you have dated some Haitian scumbags; wanna be thugs, and life rejects"
Reply:
I would like to say my standards are very high. I've never dated a thug matter of fact I find that very offensive. Let me give you an Idea of who I am. I am well educated, earned a Bachelors in Business Administration, my favorite genre of music is pop, dance, R&B, I bump to Black Eye Peas, David Guetta, Maroon 5, Mariah Carey all time fave. So where would a thug fit into that category. You think a thug can really hang with me? I don't deal with dread heads no offense, I don't deal with men that have their pant's sagging, no goal teeth. Maybe at the time I was young and he could have been one bad apple. But he was not a thug he was an Athlete played soccer in the first division Haitian National team, travelled to many Countries including Paris, Jamaica, Bahamas, Guatemala, to name a few. I am definitely not a sports fan. This guy was a friend of my sisters boyfriend who came to our house so I definitely did not go out there pursuing him. Also might I add I attended a preparatory school and turned down Pine Crest Boarding School. So as you can see your assumptions are very wrong. My preference is actually caucasian and spanish men, on point when it comes to with 'EDUCATION' who I am as an Aunt 'since I don't have live kids' I go hard on education and teach my nephews to respect their elders, I go hard on home work, I attend football training, soccer training and track trainings and games. I bring them to the zoo, horse back riding, and anything that is 'Family Oriented' I prefer educational toys over video games. So thug life so not for me and definitely not the environment that I would like to raise my kids in. So bring your assumptions elsewhere. Also my blog is not to generalize a single race but to speak out about the reality of my personal relationship, the guy that I dealt with and the country of origin is it possible for most men but not all men that come from Haiti or any other island to have the same concept when it comes to relationship?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI am a Jamaican girl. I met this Haitian guy who I really like, he claims he likes me too but keep playing games with me. For instance, we would make plans to see each other, and he never comes through....Whenever I call him, his phone goes straight to voicemail, so I get angry and stop calling him, then we would run into each other on the street. He always comes up with excuses and make up lies so I don't know what to do. I think God wants me and him to be together because for some reason we always running into each other. My heart tells me he's the man for me but if he's the player type then that's a (no,no).
ReplyDeleteI like this guy alot, I need some advice.
@Jamaica Brown...You need to open your eyes.. he spends his time avoiding you...What more do you want, God himself to come tell you that this is not his will for you?
ReplyDeleteIt's so truth, to bad I realized all this after 6 years and now we have child together. He always was busy with his friends or TV, I felt neglected mostly of the time,,,my child is the best what ever happened to me however if my husband wont change I will divorce him, because I wouldn't whish another girl life that I had. Don't get me wrong, he never cursed, shouted or raised his hand, but I think once you get married, all other girls/guys have to go, I just realized guys go, girls stay. I am strong and independed, at the same I trusted him until I relized she cheated on me while I was pregnant. Only now after I checked his online accounts better I realized what kind of men he is. DON'T TRUST THEM,,,They easy to love, sweat, inocent, but they will make you cry. They not impossible to live with (all men are pigs in their own way), but you gotta be very structure and watch them 24/7. As soon as he puts you in the second place, it's time to pack your bags and ask him one last time he wants you or the rest.
ReplyDeleteHello, I'm a Haitian male and owner of the new dating site SexyHaitians.com, which is soon to go live. Reading the comments to this blog is kind of sad, yet I must admit that there are a lot of truth to them. I do find most of my Haitian male species are extremely jealous, controlling, verbally abusive to their mate, and even physically abusive at times.
ReplyDeleteMany women are shocked by this because they feel it's not the same man that they originally met, for he has greatly changed his ways. The fact of the matter is this, in the beginning of any new connection, a man will always give the persona he thinks a woman wants to see, regardless of his culture or race. One should wait at least 3 mths before truly investing your heart to your semi new connection. The title boyfriend or girlfriend should not be considered prior to the three months, regardless if it feels right. Why 3 Months?
You must keep in mind that the person had a life before meeting you. There were people in his or her life prior to you. People that your new connection may still have feelings for. Your new connection may not have feeling for an ex, but it's still a dangerous zone. Yes, the feelings may be gone, but they have history together. This is powerful, because you are new to this person's life and although he or she likes you, they have more history with their past relationships. This means, it wouldn't take much to get back together or become intimate. The ex may be calling them which keeps the feelings present. You will most likely never know this is happening, because your new connection will most likely not divulge that information. This is why you must give your new connection time to get all their past baggage cleared up. By the third month, you will have gotten to know this person, you will be able to observe if they changed. You will have observed all their patterns, and your intuitions will lead you to decide at that point whether you want something more serious with this individual or not.
If you follow this guideline, your chances of getting hurt by these Haitian men will greatly diminish. This not only works if your connection has an ex or exes that he or she is involved with. The three mths rule works well for most situations. Ladies, don't let your emotions guide you in the beginning, because emotions will take away your ability to be rational and see things for what they are. Take your time, don't rush, protect your heart, and you will know when it's right to allow yourself to be vulnerable with that individual.
I have been dating my Haitian boyfriend for almost four years and we have had our rough patches, and yes he does get jealous it's annoying at times but i think it's cute sometimes (i get a little jealous too) AND HE IS VERY COCKY. I guess it balances out because I'm very confident myself. But he is great to me and he makes sure I feel special, he never walks out, and from what I know he doesn't lie lol. But when I'm with him we cook together..I don't mind cleaning as long as he helps and takes out the trash. He gives me butterflies still after four years. But I can't say he doesn't possess some of these traits!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI will like to thank everyone from the Author to the readers who responded for keeping an eye with Haitian Men. I am Honduran American female with strong roots and always had a link with Haitian (and many cultures) people in general - but I have limited by not dating Haitian men. Until, I re-located to another US major city with a big Haitian community, I getting to know them well. I had an experience with one in particular where, He's from Haitian, been in the US for less for 15 years, (yes there is a major difference between the ones born vs raised vs immigrant) and I swear he was a gentleman till this other lady call me with crap. I immediately walked away, because I didn't rush either, but like sound-minded person "I don't want drama" Later on, He walks back in my life and saying "It's was a misunderstanding, she was nobody who try to mess me up" Even though he's walking like innocent, (forgiving as it seems) I not walking on egg shells, but a little cautious, yet my confidence is not there as it was before.... lets say Innocence is lost, but like all types of Men from various cultures, (Latin American, Caribbean or Mars!!! etc) There will have to be a limit and he will have no choice to let me stand my ground and (himself)as a Man and come correct or don't come at all. I am leaving this in the Lord's hands and there will be answers. Not rushing into relationship or crazy stuff out here in modern day dating world...So this and many other insights will be taken into account and wish the best for everyone.
ReplyDeleteThanks again!!!
@Mzblkcarib Thanks for reading my Blog I appreciate your comments, some people misinterpret the blog. But at the end everything starts with our fathers. I've watched my mother go through this with my father. My grandmother went through it with my grand father. It's not to generalize a single race but more of trying to better understand and she'd light. And seeing the signs of a relationship that may not be good for you. Thanks for reading again!
DeleteI have been married to my haitian husband for almost 8 years and I am haitian. What you described is exactly true and it is my husband. I hate my husband, you read right, I hate that man to the point if he dies today I won't go to his funeral. Sometimes I called massisi due to the fact his friends"male" are the important things in his life. My husband is uneducated to the point I can't even have a conversation. The only reason we are together because he was trainned how to date a woman like me. My husband has no empathy. I don't know who he is and I try to have an uncontested divorce but I figure this type of man you just walk out and never turn back. Being christian, I had to try everything I can to save my marriage but I realize there is nothing anyone can do. The only persons I feel sorry for are my two girls.
ReplyDeleteHey Lovely,
DeleteI'm sorry to hear about that, if you could hate him to that extent that is very unhealthy for you mentally and emotionally. Which leads me to believe that you are hurting inside everyday. If it comes to the point that you hate your husband, my question to you is why did you let it get to the point where it turned to hate? I always tell my younger sister if you feel like things are getting that bad try not to let it turn to hate. I can't quickly tell you to break off something you decided to stay in for 8 years, but it's a question of how long you can take this? I have an ex that I am very good friends with. I broke it off with him because we started arguing everyday. I simply told him I do not hate him and our arguments are getting out of hand. Before things get worst then they are and before it turns into hate or we become enemies we have to break off the relationship. I told him that even if we are not together that does not mean we can not be friends. We just know that we will no longer be intimate, there will be no jealousy if he decides to be with someone else and he has to respect that I will move on with or without him. Be strong Ms. Lovely!
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm not quite sure why some men are like this. When you take someone to be your spouse, the two become one. The man is capable of cleaning a bathroom, doing laundry or cooking. All I can say is pray for him, maybe have a meeting with your Pastor.. I'll keep you in prayer Lovely.
DeleteI understand you Lovely. On top of my husband being like yours I think he is also Passive Aggressive which makes it 1000 times worst. I have had several meltdowns because of his behavior. His friends are all that matter to him and trying to get him to be a active part of the family is like if I were asking him to amputate one of his limbs. I often feel like he doesn't see me as a human being with feelings. Like I'm just an object that he sometimes like. Like a favorite hat or something. I too have two kids. One with him, a 14 month old adorable boy, and my daughter is 10. I literally just had a conversation with him and it just made me realize that it is just time for me to move on. I'm tired of feeling hurt, lonely, abandoned and unhappy. Life is too short. Although this may hurt and be scary I know that GOD is with me. You can do it Lovely!
DeleteI had my doubts in the beginning about my boyfriend, we seperated for a bit and than we got back together, im very happy and I know he is happy with me , my Haitian man cares for me deeply, his mom even cares for me, make sure I eat, make sure I wake up on time for work, she is a very sweet lady. I just think every guy regardless what culture they are have there faults.I just know when I walked through that door he smiles and kisses me crazy, he loves to play around, he told me one day I respect you as much as I respect my mother, he also always have good advice for me.
ReplyDeleteHello Jamia,
DeleteWhat worked for you may not always work for others so I must say that it's just your luck and I am happy for you. There are a few good men out there, things did not work out at the beginning but eventually it resolved itself. He must really be afraid to lose you which mean maybe he is really in love with you. I hope with time our stories will change for the better. Good luck hun!
The man I thought was the best ended up being the ABSOLUTE WORST Haitian man EVER. I would have done almost anything for that man but he verbally and emotionally abused me and told me it was for my own good and that he was trying to teach me about life and trying to teach me a thing or two. He called me fat and stupid with no common sense. He flirted with SO MANY women in front of me and told me that I was seeing things and that I was crazy. He did not give me even a card on my birthday or Valentine's day.(that was a hint, a hint that I ignored because I loved him) He spent his money on other women and always pretended to be broke. He told me that I was jealous and obsessed with him. Boy was he wrong. He always got mad at me for the little things and would look at me like I was mental. He spent so much time with his friends and went to be with his sister almost every Sunday for dinner and he never invited me to her house and the sister seemed more like his girlfriend then I did. He only really wanted me around to make him feel good. Sex, that is all. We broke up 4 times and this is the last time because if I go back to him one of us will end up......Even though we are no longer together I see him driving by my home. Why? I really don't know. He never gave me the attention that I really needed when I was with him so why the drive buys. If I end up gone.....his initials are PPJ and he lives in Long Island and he will be the one behind it all. During our break up he told me that I was finished so he is capable of almost anything. May the good lord bless me and protect me and my family. WOMEN! If you like yourself YOU will stay away from Haitian man. PERIOD! I am so much better off without him.
ReplyDeleteHi Ruth and your blog was right on point my ex boyfriend was everything you said in your blog and a know it all and always wanted to be right about everything.
ReplyDeleteAlot of what you said is exactly the reasons why my girlfriend doesn't prefer to date Haitian men. I'm Italian and she is Haitian, but born in the states. I saw that 1st hand the 1st time I went to dinner at my gfs house. Her mom didn't eat! She served the whole time, and while we were eating she was cleaning in the kitchen. I didn't like that, idk how to explain it but I would of much rather have her mom sitting with us. My gf said that is how alot of the Haitian men are. In my family, we all cook, clean, do laundry and so on. I'm not saying anything again Haitian men so please don't get that impression. It's just different cultures, we we're all raised differently. This Dec will be 5 yrs that we been together. We met at my church, I was in the sound booth when the door opened and oh my goodness! I was speechless. I'm shy as it is but I told myself I gotta talk to her. Long story short, it's gonna be 5 yrs in dec. She is absolutly the most beautiful girl I've ever seen (corny, I know). The Lord blessed me with her and I told Him that I would cherish and take the best care of her that I could, with His help. We're just waiting on her to finish her Master's before we get engaged.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOh My Goodness! You have described my entire relationship with my Haitian husband! Honestly I think it was a mistake marrying him. We had issues before we got married, but what happened was there was several things that took my mind away from it.. It was like I wasn't paying attention to it as much. I got pregnant, my father got sick and eventually passed away, we moved into the house he left me which needed a lot of work which we had done. Now that everything seemed to settling down the same behaviors started to arise. Simple things like, having dinner with the family, carrying on a simple conversation without feeling like I'm being attacked. Like seriously, the aggression comes out of nowhere! His friends are number one priority, if I was on my death bed and one of his friends needed a ride somewhere, well hopefully I don't die while he's gone, because oh yeah he's leaving. It's like he isn't apart of this family. He MUST go out on Saturday nights, every Saturday night. He doesn't come in until 3am. If I asked him to compromise I'm trying to control him. I'm just done! I don't deserve this! I have been desperate once in my life and it got me in a bad place because I was willing to accept anything and anybody just so I wouldn't have to be alone. But now I'm not willing to accept just anything, I have kids that will look up to me.. I know things can be better that this...
ReplyDeleteI met my Haitian man through his brother. (We worked for the same company) we have been together 3 years today. He's wonderful. Sometimes our cultures clash but he believes in communication so even when im mad and running away from him he chases me lol untilI calm down and we talk. At first doing family things together was hard because I don't think that is really his culture, but we both give a little and now he will do some things with us. When we met my daughter was only 8 months old and his English was not so good. She is almost 4 now and he is daddy. He is proud of us and all his frieds and family know and love us. His female family members have been so helpful explaining cultural things to me when I ask..lol thank goodness. He does not like to argue. He IS a show off with the way he dresses and such but likes to dress us well too. Lol he is very good with his money helping to run the household and still sends money to his mother in port au prince. Very responsible and upstanding. He gets uncomfortable when I offer to pay for meals or buy him things. He says he was not raised this way. He is the man and it is his job to take care of us lol he is allowing me to buy and pay for things now though..lol I love him dearly. Hes not alwsys romamtic but sometimes he says the sweetest things. He insists that any Haitian man (any man for that matter) that is not respectful to his woman is a loser. There are very good Haitian men out there. It is all about how hecwas raised. His father died when he was an infant and he was raised by his mother. Being the youngest of 9 children and with a few sisters he has learned how to respect a woman. I call him out on stuff too. Im not shy about telling him he has hurt me or pissed me off. Then im in my late 30s and he 3 uears my junior. I have no patience for games. His brother...is a player lol
ReplyDeleteI JUST GOT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP WITH A YOUNG Haitian man andie everything you said he was andoing more.....it's heartbreaking :(
ReplyDeleteHi everyone hope you all are doing good . I really like the post I'm not completely agree about a few things she said , sometimes Some women date the wrong guy for years and blame others guys for it . I'm a Haitian man I've never in my life need some kind of servant I would never use my girlfriend/ wife to do everything for me on the contrary I've always do my chores when my girlfriend wants to do then I said No she's wants to cook fine but I told her you don't have to do it I can do or I'll cook for us . Commitment wise I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now I am committed to her I am so comfortable that I have no password or code on my phone I gave it to her all the time and told if she ever feels certain kind of way just go through my phone , I'm always with her , I don't go out without her . Not all Haitian men are the way she said we are we have more qualities . Yes there are a lot of them out there as in every country it's a Men thing not only Haitian men . Thank you for the post it's really interesting .
ReplyDeleteI truthfully just started scrolling the internet this morning for some information on Haitian men in general, so thank you all (the original blogger and all the replies). They've been enlightening...I just recently met a Haitian man and I am still in the process of trying to figure out if I can even deal with him or not...or should. From day 1, he started professing his love, wanting to get married, wanting me to move, joint bank accounts, etc. It feels like some aweful fast rapid speed dating and I haven't even told him I want to date him (hasn't even parted my lips). He's really sweet though, fun to hang out with, odd sense of humor...but every time I leave to go home he acts like he's going to cry and makes a big deal out of it (worse than a kid)...its actually scary...stalker scary.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is amazing. My husband is Hatian and he is just like this. Another Haitian man told me he needed to be delivered from the mindset but I didn't realize it was an actual thing. You really hit it on the head.
ReplyDeleteI'm Argentinean and I've been in a relationship with an Haitian man for almost 5 years and a half. He came to Argentina to finish his education since in Argentina we have public education. His family supported him economically because he didn't find a good job or at least one he could feel like reaching his expectations, in Haiti he worked for and important travel agency.
ReplyDeleteI was 24 when we started dating and at that time I used to work as an English teacher at a private school. I immediately fell in love with him. He was very kind, respectful and caring. We used to see each other all the time, almost everyday. But after 2 months of dating, I found an intesting conversation he had with a girl on Facebook. Apparently, when he met me he was trying to get a relationship with that other girl as well. In fact, they had sex on a day I was working and I couldn't visit him. But that wasn´t all. I could have forgive him
because at that time we didn´t talk about being exclusive. What really got my nerves was that he was still chatting with her and telling that he LOVED her!! I admired the way she reacted because she discouraged him by telling that altough she had a really good time with him that only night, he had a WOMAN in his life and that he sould tell her(me) that he loved her(me again).
When I confronted him with that evidence, he told me he was stupid, that the girl didn´t mean anything to him and that he really loved me and that I was the woman of his dreams, that he wanted to build a future with me. He even cried.
Finally, I forgive him because I loved him. But it was hard for me to trust him again. I used to take his phone and questioned him about every girl he had on Facebook or check who he had texted to or things like that. We used to fight a lot because I couldn´t trust him 100%. It took me almost 2 years to really trust and to feel confident about our relationship.
In 2015, he proposed and I said yes, of course. But, again, in June while I was taking his phone to a maintenance service, I found out that he was trying to have ¨something¨ with an university partner. She rejected him. And I confronted him and forgive him...
In 2016, my parents gave us a present: a house. And we started living together and everything was great until December 2017.
He came to Agentina 7 years ago and he dind´t have the chance to buy a ticket to fly to Haiti to see his family again. So, last year, my parents bought him the tickets so he could visit his parents and to finally meet her beloved niece.
The night before his journey started, I found a conversation on Facebook with an Haitian woman who was friends with his cousin. I don´t know Creole, but I know how to use Google Translate and I know how flirting looks like... I confronted him once again and asked him about his real agenda in Haiti. He told me I was crazy, that the only plans he had was to be with his mother and his family.
Almost a week ago, I found some graphic pictures of him with an Haitian woman on Google Drive... He dind´t took his computer to Haiti and he didn´t log out his Google account before he left.
He´s coming home next Thursday and he dind´t suspects I know he cheated on me and that he has all his belongings packed.
I know it´s quite long, but I wanted to tell my experience. I still love him but I can´t stand that crap no longer. He doesn´t respect me like I do nor loves me like I love him. It just doesn´t feel fair and I know God will give me the stregth to stick with my decision.
Very few general statement are true, by that I mean you can count them on your fingers. Your title mentioned the word "truth" but this should have been a personal story about a list of things that this particular Haitian man did to you; instead almost every paragraph began with "they", "Haitian men" or "he". I dated a "fill in the blank" woman, who was so unpleasant to be around that I moved out of a warm roof over head, while it was snowing, into my car for 3 months, walked away from home cooked meals, great loving and etc... Now never once did I fathom to think, "I will never date a black woman from XYZ country. XYZ women are this and that.
ReplyDeleteHuman beings are pattern-seeking mammals; it might be a residue of some survival mechanisms encoded in our DNA, that overtakes our brain after a traumatic experience(when were nomads). It would be like saying I'm never eating Chinese food again because I got food poisoning from 1 Chinese resaturant. Or, I will never fly again because my plane crashed. Or, I will never drive cars again because my car stalled in the snow on my way to my wedding. You see where I'm going with this right?
I am not saying Haitian men are perfect, and that some don't cheat, and neither am I here to defend the entire Haitian male population. All I am saying is that this is an irresponsible extreme display of poetic freedom, based on one experience, written as the gospel truth about all the great, faithful, loving, respectful, loyal, romantic, and family-minded Haitian men of your very own country.
You should be more mindful and not contribute to the myriad of negative stereotypes that has perpetually soiled the Haitian people's identity in the US and elsewhere for so long now.
You are free to express yourself as you please but specifying the type of Haitian men you are writing about would have afforded you way more credibility. Look, most men who have just arrived in the states behave very similarly to the men in their home country(as it relates to the general behaviors of their respective countrymen). After a few years they are forced to alter their behaviors because most American women will not tolerate it. So, you have a 2nd tier of Haitian men who have lived here for a while. I must not forget to mention that older men are set in their ways; a 40 year old Haitian man, new to the states will most likely seek a woman with whom he can get away with this nonsense. Whereas, if he had moved to the states, like me, at an early age, he would be a very different man, culturally exposed and conditioned to behave a particular way.
Chris Rock once said that, "A man is as faithful as his options"; to that I always say, "Faithfulness is a choice, proportional to a man's level of maturity, loyalty and character".
I am a Haitian man marrying to my lovely wife for nearly 8 years.
I could never cheat on my wife because I love her too much...because my conscience would eat away at my soul...because I have made a choice to be faithful...because you uphold promises that you make to people...because I need to raise my kids until they are fully independent ...because she deserve the world and more...I could go on forever but I'm rambling.
So does that mean I am mot Haitian?
While this is might be known from men all around the world including haitian men does not mean it applies to all of them. I met my now haitian husband when we were 15 in Haiti at summer camp . His parents have been married for over 35 years and his dad is his role model . The nicest and sweetest man you could ever think of. I know for a fact he has never cheated on me ! We have been best friend for 15 years now and 9 years of relationship later we are still strong as ever.They are not all the same, yesss i agree at first haitian men are really crazy jealous but he changed himself for me because he knew i did not like it . Talking about stalkerish not all haitian men are , uneducated probably yes they might pester you but i met quite a few of them and they are not all the same you probably met some really nasty ones. Yes my husband is haitian but don’t judge a few and say all of them are the same .
ReplyDelete