Child Support

                                                                               

  I am blogging about real life events and what really goes on in my world, and the Haitian community. I am not here to bash anyone or put our Haitian race down. But will be truthful and honest about what goes on and the most common reactions to certain issues facing many of us today. First I would like to start off with my topic of the day which is Child Support. When in the Haitian community a women decides to put the father of her child on child support, they literally act as if it's the end of the world.

  Sometimes this even turns into a spiritual warfare where the party being pursued with the child support turns to voodoo but of course I'm not going to get to that. I've seen a past friend of mines that was going through allot of issues with the father of her child. She had dealt with him for over 8 years before she became pregnant, through out her pregnancy she had to take the city bus back and fourth from work. There was a vehicle available at the time that belonged to another family member of his but he made no effort at all to help her. He felt that if he catch the bus it makes him sick and always found a way to his destination.  She had to deal with him and his family member while living in the house, and tensions started to run high. After the baby was born things calmed down for a few months, they both worked. He was making more of an income than she was but he seemed to always have an excuse as to why he could not help. He became financially handicap when she needed him the most, sometimes she tried borrow and pay him back. Other problems included him cheating and spitting in her face during their last argument. 

  She eventually moved to her own place, never had any intentions of putting him on child support  but he started to become very cocky, verbally abusive, and felt that he had the upper hand, after a heated argument. He decided to throw out all of his baby belonging that where at his house, he drove and dropped them off in front of her door steps. Things from food that where stored in his refrigerator ,clothing, car seat and even a wooden bed. He did not want to have anything to do with her so he felt that having thrown all his kids things out in front of her door steps would resolve his problems. My friend was terribly hurt by the situation and proceeded with the child support.

  She did not give him the Child Support out of anger, she gave him the Child Support for not being able to support his kid when she needs him the most because he is too busy catering to other people. Like his family from Haiti, his mother who is receiving social security benefits, and his brother that is not working and occupying extra space in his apartment. He seemed to have missed his priority by a long shot which is his first and only Child. He had no concerns whether the child had new clothes or shoes, and also day care expenses. All of this was being taken cared of by one person which was the child mother.

  When he finally found out that he was being served Child Support all of a sudden he wanted to get his act together. Now all of a sudden he started writing out checks bi-weekly and ventured on a straight path and tried to convince my friend to take him off Child Support. She never asked him for much she just wanted to make sure that her son was taking care of between the both of them working. But she was more upset that she had to take this action to even get him to man up.

  The day after the big court date he begged and pleaded for her to take him off but she refused, he spent a week saying that he feels like he wants to kill him self and so on, but he's still alive. The once cocky guy turned into  wimp crying for someone to save him. Now he wants to sign over his parental rights....which my friend also refused. 

My personal opinion on all of this is that we all have to take responsibility for or own actions. If you are in a relationship with anyone and you decide not to put a cap on sh*t happens. Just learn to own up to it because this probably wont be your first and last mistake. 

Recently posted on my FB status:

" Men if you slept with a female, got her pregnant, and realized that's the worst mistake you ever made in your life learn to "WRAP IT UP" stop being selfish and deal with the fact that the seed you bust in her grew and became a living being. That walks, talks, and looks like you (unfortunately) the only difference is the fact that it's worth more than you. So pay up there's an app for that it's called "Child Support"! #Lanmerd

Signs that your Boo may be cheating on you.

     I am only writing from my personal experience if anyone find this post offending in anyway, "I do not apologize" (smile) lol. Now let's get started in my past relationship with my Haitian ex. I've experienced a list of things that made me suspect that he maybe cheating. I came from being a wife to being a full time private investigator. People may say, why stay in a relationship if you don't trust your partner? Or maybe I'm just being an insecure wife. 

   Being that I was so in love with him, I did not want to hear anything that anyone had to say. Because I am not a fan of rumor's especially in my personal relationship, if a rumor could not be proven there was no reason for me to believe in it. I tried to keep my relationship private as I felt at times us women do have an influence on each other. At the time I felt that every new relationship has a new beginning so cheating is not something you want to think about.  But while in the relationship I started to see him do weird things, at first I did not pay attention to it much but I started questioning my self as to why he behaved a certain way.

Signs That He May Be Up To Know Good

1)  Have you ever noticed that he steps outside or to another room when he receives an incoming call  (There would be times where he receives phone calls, walks off  enters another room or walks outside. But other times if it's his boys he does not mind having a full conversation in front of me.)

2)  Have you ever touched his phone for any reason and he comes flying to the other side of his room before you know it he takes the phone from you? (That definitely means he has something to hide, trust me if you find your self not being able to touch his phone, sleeps with the phone under his pillows, has a lock on it, red Flags all over.)

3)  If you ever had access to his phone do you realize that some or all of his calls or text messages are deleted? (I found it to be weird that a person who talks on the phone all day and text back and fourth all day have an empty inbox or outbox, red flag)

4)  If your in a long distance relationship do you notice when he travels you guys talk less? ( My ex would travel for days and sometimes 3 months at a time because he played professional soccer. There would be times that I call him and I feel that I was being rushed off the phone, what kills me the most is the fact that his phone went off at a certain time each night and I was able to talk to him like 5 minutes at a time after practice. As soon as he gets home it's difficult to reach him.

5)   Has he ever talked to you in the 3rd person? For Example: I had a guy friend of mines that was with this girl and got her pregnant while her man was away. Or maybe he cracks jokes about what his other male friends do. ( My ex absolutely told me a few of those stories and found out that it was actually him, this guy tried to played me for the total fool.)

6)  If he for any reason ever sleeps out on more that one occasion, that's a super red flag and a big No No. There should be absolutely know reason at all for you to tolerate that ( I've experienced this first hand, the first time I let it slide. But the second time I had his bags packed and ready to toss him out because there is no way in hell that I will except for any guy to use my  house as a free storage facility. My words to him where to store his clothes where ever the hell he rest his head before showing up to my house at 12noon) (That day he cursed me out but I had the last laugh because all of his friends where laughing at him as I threw his clothes in the middle of the parking lot where he hangs out. The reason I did this is because at the end of the day his friends all know who he's screwing around with, and makes us females look like nothing. I take it as a compliment when they call me the crazy lady sometimes there's no reconciling a situation like this. I find it to be the up most disrespectful thing a spouse living with you could ever do.)

7)  Has he ever gotten angrier at you when you confront him with something you have solid evidence on? I've never seen a guy more pissed off than when he get's caught in his string of lies ( When I confronted my ex-husband  about the other women he went off the wall. He told me I was crazy, he always denied it. Things got heated very quickly which led to a physical fight between us, This actually happened on three different occasions.)

8)  Have you guys ever had conversations about his infidelity, and noticed when you talk about it he does not really keep eye contact? ( One thing I learned is that it was hard for him to keep eye contact when being asked about his weird ways, of course he'll deny till he dies. You will never get the truth but you can tell my the body language. Like if the television is on he'll answer your questions but never really look you in the eye, and would use any distraction possible. For Example: His eyes focused on the television. He plays with the button on his phone while he looks down at the screen, maybe sometimes he looks up but barely make eye contact when your interrogating him.)

   So women keep your eye's open this blog was made based on my personal experience, you may have experienced things differently or maybe the same.  Please feel free to reply to this post, and share your story.

     

       

Truth About Haitian Men and Relationships

                                  

     Hello my name is Ruth and I felt that it is necessary for me to write about my personal experience with being in a relationship with Haitian men...I'm not here to bash anyone or put my culture down as I am Haitian American born here in the United States. Both of my parents are from Haiti of course, but one of the issues I'm here to talk about are Haitian relationships.

     I would like to start off by saying that being in a relationship in general is very complex but what happens when your dating your own race, and they all have the same traits when it comes to relationships, not to say that there isn't any good men out there but they all have  something in common. I am going to list a group of things that most Haitian men do that most Haitian women can't stand.

1)    Haitian men are very jealous beings, you want to know where I'm at, what I'm doing, whom I'm talking to, and definitely don't like when their women speak to other men in general. (That's a big no no and a turn off to us women)

2)    Haitian men look forward to having his partner cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the kids, between him and the kids it's 24 hour clock work (maid service), when your done catering to him he spends the rest of the day out with his friends at the BAZZ (in English it means  Hang Out or Base) whether their working or not. They sit around and talk about their past and present relationships or how many women they've slept with. ( I'm not sure if it has  anything to do with competition )

3)    Haitian men are very cocky and dominant when it comes to flirting, they really don't know when to call it quits, which becomes very annoying (correct me if I'm wrong). His first approach to women would be more like "Hey baby let me talk to you for a minute, I wanted to tell you that your very beautiful ". "We can be friends, put my number on your phone "(with thick Haitian accent ). They'll follow you for about 20-30 minutes until you tell them to back the F#@%! up. Sometimes I find my self saying "Not Interested" over 2 or 3 times. At this point I become very irritated and walk on and go about another route because they do have a tendency to follow you.

4)    They are pathological liers, they lie just to lie. By the time you've been in a relationship with him for about 6 month to a year you'll start to notice change in the relationship. The most common case is because he already had another relationship going on before you came into the picture. Or possibly started another relationship or should I say "relationships". I find it very common the Haitian men has a main relationship at home which of course is the wife/servant  and his side lady which is probably the one all of his friends besides you know about. Oh and yes he'll even try to get with your best friend so bringing  other women around him wont help with your situation.

5)    He tends to become very aggressive and argues, makes a big deal out of the smallest things and then takes off, first thing you see is the back of his head because he's walking out the door and leaves you home for hours at a time. I find this to be common in most relationship when there is another person involved.

6)     When he comes back he's usually calmed and more relaxed because he accomplished what he had to in the hours he was missing in action. After engaging in his personal outings no need to open a new case because at this time he'll be heading straight to bed.

7)  He will spend more time with his friends, the only time he spends with you is when your being intimate or possibly watching soccer. But family outing is out of the question. Before you can get a Haitian guy to finally commit to having some family time. You would have to go through hell and back,  it would be a miracle.

8) Although you feel like he is being unfair in the relationship when you feel that you can't take it anymore, he always has his friends as cheerleaders to back him up and try and convince you of staying. You'll get the phone calls or face to face counseling with people that are in his circle and doing the same S*%# that he is doing. (Like seriously that's really uncalled for)

9) Financially if he has the money he probably will help around with some of the household expenses but of course his up bringing and education level is an important factor. On the other hand you have the young cocky guy who probably spends more money on him self to keep up with the ladies for show off.

10) They have no remorse and understanding of how the decision they make in life effects you. When your angry at them because your starting to discover the fact of who they really are. They get even angrier at you for finding out. They'll tell you that your crazy and that it's all in your head.

    I personally feel that things could be better if we start educating our sons to respect women rather than just using them as an object with no feelings. Because it would help men learn to appreciate the Haitian women in their life. In my case I threw in the towel because I got tired, and also traumatized by my past relationship. I'm personally done and have no desire to go back to the same displeasing relationship.


Please feel free to leave a comment or opinions for others to read. Visit my other blog Characteristic of Hatian Men. http://haitianmen.blogspot.com/2013/08/haitian-men-characteristics.html